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by lorilanda



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, Canon Compliant, Chimera Ant Arc, Gore, Other, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 22:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15672735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorilanda/pseuds/lorilanda
Summary: About Gon, who lies motionless on the ground, and Killua, who desperately screams for help until his voice fails and he collapses next to his best friend.(My take on the events after the fight with Pitou.)





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**Author's Note:**

> An older work of mine, which I originally posted on a German fanfiction platform and translated to upload it here. All I can say is, I'm sorry? But at least we know that there's a happy ending to this.  
> Inspired by That One Textpost by @shalnarkonice on tumblr.

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Where? Where?!

Gon's shirt is stained deep blue with Neferpitou's blood, but in this moment, Killua couldn't care less about the dead Chimera Ant. All that matters is Gon; Gon's closed eyes, his bright, red blood, mixing with Pitou's and creating repulsing violet smears. Killua instinctively knows he'll never be able to burn them from his memories.

And then there's Gon's heartbeat. And while Killua, rendered incapable of doing anything by shock, can just watch how the twisted, distorted, corrupted body of his best friend (his comrade? His lover? In the end, what are they and what are they not?) reconverts back to its original form, the dull sound, steady at first, slows down more and more. Killua can only hear it due to the absolute silence around them; but even with his senses enhanced by Nen, he can barely feel when Gon’s heart beats one last time.

Silence, in which Killua longingly waits for another beat; and when there isn't one, he thinks that he must have missed it. Falls down next to Gon, suddenly no energy left, puts a hand on Gon's chest and doesn't care about the blue blood that stains his bruised skin. Panik floods his mind and makes it hard to think.

Where? Where is his heartbeat?

And Killua tries to deny it for a few seconds, he really tries, tries to fight against the creeping, unavoidable realization, but ultimately fails. And when he gives up on trying to suppress it, despair hits him like a wave. Gon, Gon, GON--

At first he doesn't realize that he is the one screaming his lungs out; only desperate screams that carry no words at all.  
Then, when a part of his clouded mind clears: Help, we're here- Please help us!- It's Gon! He- He is…

And then he stops, collapses on Gon's motionless chest, hands clenched to fists so hard his nails leave bloody traces on his palms. What can he even do? How is anybody supposed to hear him if they are all in the palace? Which cruel God wanted Killua to be there in Gon's dying moments, with nothing he could do to help him?

Electricity flickers around them like small pieces of lightning and Killua backs off from the sudden motion, not able to recognize his own Nen, out of control like his emotions are.  
He is mortified by the thought that next crosses his mind. In some ways he would rather do nothing than what he is about to do; but still... He isn't helpless yet. He still has a chance to bring Gon back to life... And if that's the cruel price he has to pay, so be it.

Killua takes a deep breath, tries to prepare himself for what he is about to do. He's never resuscitated a human being, but he knows it's possible. All he has to do is restart the heart… Give it a shock, help it find a rhythm to beat in again.

It shouldn’t be as mortifying as it is.  
He lets his aura flow into Gon; screams almost as he sees the sudden electric shock mercilessly shaking the previously lifeless body. Killua almost thinks it happened on his own, but of course it's just an illusion. It would have been too good, too easy.

But Gon's heart beats again, while Gon himself remains as motionless as before. And then it stops again, and Killua makes it beat again, with no less disgust for what he does than before.

And again. And again.

It's your fault, his own voice whispers in the back of his head.

It is?

It's your fault it came to that. You are the one to blame.

Gon's heart stops once more. Electricity burns through his body and lights up his skin in eerie white; it flickers over his arms, his cheeks, his closed eyelids. The hesitant, restless rhythm returns, interrupts for a few seconds, then beats hardly noticeable further. The smell of burnt flesh from the electrical shocks, sweet and sickenly, fills the air and Killua must force himself not to press an arm in front of his nose.

Stop, stop! his thoughts scream, the emotional part of his consciousness. Stop it, don't you see what you're doing? Stop it, you mustn't hurt Gon!

... But he knows he has no choice. Because if he stops, as much as he wants to, Gon's life is forfeited.

It's your fault, because you should have known. You know the mindset of Enhancers; goddammit, you know Gon better than any other person! You should have known from the beginning that it would come down to this... Yet you have done nothing…

Stop it, he begs his thoughts. Please stop.

Gon's heartbeat stops again.

He puts his hands on Gon's chest, sends another current through his body, again and again, each time the fluttering movement of the reanimated heart stops. A strike of electricity, so bright, so hot, so painful. Another one.

Killua senses how the voltage, the electric charge in his aura becomes weaker, how each new blow costs him more power than the previous one. He closes his eyes and tries not to imagine, does not want to imagine what will happen as soon as his aura is exhausted.  
Because who will keep Gon alive? Who, if not him?

Another surge. Bright, burning, aching; glistening, weakening, glowing.

(By the time the others finally arrive, Killua is long over its limit. His aura, if any, is a mere flickering around his silhouette. And yet he has to be dragged away from Gon by force. He is like a wild animal, only hardly conscious. "Let me go! I have to see Gon!"  
When he finally faints, his last thought is directed at the most important person in his life.)

.

Gon. Where is your heartbeat?

**Author's Note:**

> Visit me on tumblr @ lorilanda.


End file.
